Things I learned while on vacation

So, I’ve been away from the blog for a few days. Maybe you’ve notice; maybe you didn’t. If not, I’m crushed. I thought you loved me and hung on my every word.

No? Your unwavering devotion is all in my head?

Hmmm.

My little vacation was a six-day trip to Key West via Orlando, Tampa and Miami with my girlfriends. It was wonderful and exhausting all at the same time. I guess that’s how you know the vacation was a roaring success – you need a vacation from the vacation when you get home. That’s how I feel today. I’m beat.

In the spirit of my new regular Friday entries (Things I Learned This Week), I’ve decided to share with you some of the things I learned during my stay in the great state of Florida (no sarcasm intended. I was born there and have a great affection for the state and its quirky inhabitants).

Things I learned while on vacation in Florida with my girls…

…that World of Beer is a fun little pub with waitresses that will go above and beyond to find a beer in their massive collection that will satisfy even the pickiest of non-beer drinkers. Kudos to them!

…that Miami International Airport was designed by the same crazy monkeys that designed Orlando International Airport – only on crack. Can you say cluster-fuck?

…that at the Mall of America in Miami you can get your hooker shoes, hoochie-mama dress and a shot of penicillin all under the same roof. One stop shopping at its finest. (Stole this little bit of genius from my BFF, Amy).

…that the Olive Garden’s unlimited soup, salad, and bread sticks is always a good idea.

…that true to form, Amy nearly killed us all with her driving. To be fair, it was only once this trip. Of course, it was on a bridge over shark infested waters, going 90 mph – about 35 mph OVER the posted speed limit. Her consistency is admirable. She never fails to disappoint. Love that girl!

…that there are 42 bridges between mainland Florida and Key West. No I didn’t count them. The very informative trolley driver was kind enough to share that bit of useless trivia along with an unending supply of not so witty conch jokes.

…that there is in fact no beach in or around Mallory Square.

…that actually reading the map and literature provided by trolley booking lady instead of stuffing them into my bag would have alleviated any such confusion. Note to self…

…that misjudging your trolley stop will result in an extensive tour of the island – the opposite side of the island from your intended destination. However, this little jaunt did afford some very nice views and quite a bit more useless trivia to be stowed away for later use.

…that Willy T’s on Duval does indeed make a superior mojito. Yum-o.

…that the Hemingway House cats actually do have more toes than nature intended. Freaky.

…that I have “itty-bitty titties”. Or so the drag queen at Aqua so kindly pointed out.

…that it is useless to wage a battle against curly, frizzy hair in a climate with oppressive humidity. It is a fight you can’t win. Embrace the frizz.

…Wing and Wieners – funny. Misreading it as Wigs and Wieners – priceless. Thank you, Shelley.