They say to have a successful blog, you need to have a theme, continuity, some sort of consistent content. My rebellious-self thinks such a rule is complete bullshit. Who says I have to follow a formula? It’s my blog. Not yours. Mine. My realistic-self knows and understands there is some merit to this. If only to give clarity and the illusion, however fleeting, of forward momentum. In an effort to keep things moving, I’m going to fall back on a founding principle. I started this site as a means of discovery. Every experience in life, be it profound or trivial, is an opportunity to learn. To learn is to grow; to grow is to live.
And with that, here we go:
As I mentioned in my last post, my daughter recently graduated high school. In this day and age, most kids are involved in extracurricular activities that dominate not only their own time, but also that of their parents. Her activity of choice – marching band.
I never used to be a joiner. Even now, I have to really want to do something to get involved. I’m not sure how it happened, or exactly when it happened, but somehow I found myself sucked down what I like to call the “booster club rabbit hole.” In the blink of an eye, I went from casual volunteer to all in – up to my eyeballs in booster business. I lived and breathed band for four years. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
It was also one of the most exhausting – both physically and mentally. In the run up to graduation and the end of my tenure, I was conflicted. I was tired and more than ready to turn over the keys to the castle to the next generation of band moms; but at my core, I am a control freak. Change is hard. Letting go is harder. In the final days, I cried. A lot. I just couldn’t imagine my life without band. I also couldn’t fathom how band would survive without me.
Yes. I know. The arrogance of that statement is not lost on me. It’s just that at some point, I let the role I played as “band mom” solely identify my existence. I was a band mom. Nothing more; nothing less. I wouldn’t allow myself to accept the idea of life after band. For them or me.
I’m not much for spontaneity. I don’t make quick, unfettered decisions. I mull things over, weigh my options, consider the repercussions of every action I take, and plan accordingly. As such, I had an exit plan in place for leaving my booster position. I knew exactly what needed to be done, how it should be done and when. The only problem – everyone else. I fought it for a while, agonized over it, wrote a few blistering emails, cried a lot of tears. Then one bright sunny Saturday morning in June, I had an epiphany. I’d had enough. I was done. Totally over the whole fucking thing. By the afternoon, the handover to my successor was complete. The baton officially passed.
I was free.
One week later, I was sitting on a sandy beach in the Caribbean with my family and my old friend Bacardi, doing absolutely nothing. It was wonderful. In the six months since, I’ve read a lot of books, binged a lot of television, and played a lot of tennis. I have moved on from band; and band has moved on from me.
Life goes on.
2 thoughts on “On lessons learned: an epiphany”
You are a wonderful writer. I can identify with that sudden feeling of maybe nothing to do. It is frightening.